When the mind is fractured,

It's time for...

Bits and Pieces

Thursday I had my first visit with my counselor here in Ohio. The meeting, even as a first step "evaluation", was very helpful in looking at a few things. I can't really predict what we're going to work on but I will say that we talked a lot about the fact that there is almost two Michael's. Before 7th grade there was only the shy, introspective Michael, and then afterwards came the outgoing, very loud and dramatic Michael. I've been thinking about this for a couple of years but I still don't understand why it is. I just hope we don't kill the dramatic Michael just before Madrigal. :)

The script for "Musings from Austin, Texas" is now on it's second draft. I let my mom read through the first draft and she gave a few suggestions, one of which was to completely re-vamp half the script. So that's what I'm doing, completely rewriting the second act, removing a character, and trying to freshen up some of the others. I may finish it up on Sunday but I'm expecting to use some of my July 4th vacation time to do so. I'm also thinking about calling up some friends of the female persuasion to help rewrite some lines. I'll be honest, I can't write women, I suck at it.

Piracy is a hobby of mine. Having two modded consoles and access to some primo download sites lets me save some money on games. But piracy ain't free folks. Modchips, installation, blank media and other accessories add up. So when I discovered that my stack on blank DVD's wasn't burning my Wii games right I was ticked. I went down to Best Buy and got me an amazing deal. Verbatim 25-pack of DVD+R for $8.99. Right next to that was Verbatim 50-packs for $29.99. So I bought two of the 25's for a little under 20 and went home and did some testing. Sure enough, they burn the Wii games just fine. Now I just have to pray I don't get banned from Xbox Live before Halo 3.

Die-Hard 4. See it with your brain turned off and disregard 1-3 and you'll get a kick out of it. I'll give it 2.5 stars out of 4.

Who's That Guy? (Facebook Link)

The Alamo Drafthouse Blog-a-Thon: Nilbog is Goblin Spelled Backwards!

When the word came out that Jette Kernion (the go-to Austin guy at Cinematical.com) was asking for Alamo Drafthouse memories in honor of the closing of the Alamo downtown, I thought about what one moment defined the Alamo experience to me.

Was it seeing my girlfriend at the time woo a crowd of rollergirls to a stunning rendition of hopelessly devoted to you?

Was it playing Halo 2 on the massive screen and yelling obscenities without one complaint?

Was it any of those amazing moments while volunteering at SXSW like when I got on the "This Film is Not Yet Rated" DVD?

Nah. None of those come close to the moment last fall when me and a group of amazing friends went to a midnight screening of Troll 2.



I had first watched Troll 2 when I was around 8 or 9. I was channel surfing one Saturday morning when I came upon Cinemax. I started watching it and I couldn't really tell that the movie was bad until the young boy defeated the goblins by eating a double-decker sandwich. Even at 9, I could tell that killing goblins with bologna was not exactly the most cinematic of ideas.

Fast foward 10 years and I'm at a Weird Wednesday with my good friend Sierra. We're all walking out after the movie when the host that night says "Oh! We're playing Troll 2 soon!"

My jaw hit the floor.

I hadn't seen that movie in 10 years and yet the title still was stuck in my head just because of its pure badness. I told everyone I could that they should prepare for Troll 2. The day of the screening comes and I'm thinking it's going to be a regular Terror Thursday. I check the website and my jaw drops again. Now by this time I am looking at a) a swollen jaw and b) a sold out screening because they are bringing cast members!

THE CAST OF TROLL 2 EXISTS!?!

These people are human? Get outta town. With the acting I had saw I would have assumed incomplete robots. I start letting even more of my friends know about the screening, trying to get a posse to see this because I know it will blow them away. Finally, I think we got about 10 people to come to the Alamo. We're waiting in line when the dad from the movie comes out to talk to the people in the line. There's a camera behind him and we later find out, as we're signing the releases, that they are working on a doc about the cult following. The guy is truly a nice fellow and I enjoy telling him that this movie has already scarred me for life.

The screening was pure Alamo. Midnight, school night, packed house, free cookies and milk, Q&A. All the little things that make the drafthouse the best theater I've ever been to. I get to ask the cast a question, got some goblin masks, but most importantly, share this amazing movie and this amazing screening with a big group of friends. When I look at that night I see why I love living in Austin, and why I love my friends.

I'll miss the downtown location, but as long as I can take the 1 or the 5 to the Ritz, and as long as they keep showing the movies that nobody else will touch, then I will continue to be there as much as possible.

100 Posts, A Million Memories

Sunday was a historic day. A fantastic day.

And it was also father's day. Call your dad(s) if you haven't.

This is a two part post. Part one is about the newest project from Five Donkey Films. Part two is about the future of the blog and the future for me.

So I can finally reveal a few things about the script. The official title, and the one that will most likely stick this time, is "Musings From Austin, Texas"

Yeah, I named it after the blog. The reason being that the script really reflects that kind of spirit that the blog represents, a mixture of heartfelt emotion and overwhelming ideas about life. The script is a simple story about Ameer and I, on the last day of finals in May 2008. It's about friendship, it's about courage, it's about finding it in yourself to do the impossible. It's also funny.

When the script started coming together over this past month I decided that since the script is over 20 pages it's right around the size of a festival short, actually it's a bit longer, but still inside the length limits. This means that I am considering sending it out to local and regional film festivals to see if we are progressing. In order to do this though I had to sacrifice my massive music collection for the soundtrack and seek out music that was cleared for use. That means using stuff like creative commons and public domain music, but I'm not too keen on that stuff, so I called up some friends.

The following artists are allowing their music to be used for FREE in "Musings From Austin, Texas"
Kaare Egedahl
People Machine
0 for 7

That gives me over two albums worth of music to choose from. Brett from 0 for 7 also told me that other acts may be interested so this list may grow much larger before we get ready to put together the soundtrack. All three acts are friends of mine so it's nice that even the music is keeping in theme of friendship. In the case of Kaare, I've known the guy since I was TWO, I think my mom has some adorable pictures of him from my third birthday party at McDonald's.

The script was completed Sunday morning, at least the first draft. Meaning we can start shooting as soon as I can get my cast together. I will be doing auditions for the character of Liz, who is the major female character and probably the most important piece of casting I will do in college. I'll be e-mailing several actresses from both Gigglepants and Madrigal to ask them to come on in and read with Ameer.

The pieces are coming together in pre-production. Now Quoc and I have to tear apart the script and see how the hell we're going to shoot this with no money and only weekends to spare. The excitement is building folks, stay tuned for more info.

And now to talk about the future...

I blog for both myself and my friends. There is also however a third audience. That audience is in fact history. I looked back at the previous 99 posts before writing this one, and it told the history of my sophomore year in college. From the last days in Cedar Point, to my brief infatuation with cast mates, to project after project after project, to success, to failure, and finally to hitting bottom. 11 months, 100 posts, all telling a story both intensely private and immediately public.

The next 100 posts will continue to be honest, introspective, and hopefully funny. The blog will be therapy, practice, and a sounding board for my thoughts. The great thing is I have no idea how many readers I have, either on facebook notes, or on the blog itself. That helps, not having to please anyone with what I write here.

I promise you to keep writing what I have always written, my life. No more, no less. Stay tuned, the next 100 are going to be fun.

SBTB "Friends Forever" (Facebook Link)

The 99th Post

From sub-urban Ohio.
Land of green grasses.
Where the neighbors water each others plants.
Comes...

Bits and Pieces
Chunky Edition

So I had been planning on writing this before LAST weekend, but I've been a little flustered with writing in general so I took some time off and worked on leveling up my World of Warcraft character. He's now a level 51 out of 70 and I should be ready to do some of the larger content in the game by the end of the summer, which was my goal.

Whenever I write a script I usually have a large break between the first half and the second half of writing. I run out of creative steam around the mid-point and I have to rethink things. I should be getting back to work real soon though and getting the first draft done. I plan on doing some rewrites before the summer is done and hopefully start shooting with a second draft script around September.

As for the untitled movie I will be announcing some MAJOR information about it on the 100th post. I've been talking to people over the past week, getting things in place, and I can say already we have stuff planned that is significantly larger than anything Quoc and I have done.

I've been home alone right now for about 11 days. The parents decided to enjoy a trip to Italy and I've been left with some food money and a daily list of things to do. Some days have been better than others. Like today I was feeling light headed for most of the day so I had to take an extra nap. I've also been trying to get a therapist set up here but they have been hard as hell to get them on the phone to set up an appointment. So right now the mental health situation is solid but not improving much.

Let me be more in depth. I'm feeling much more confident about how I am going to do next year when it comes to school and all that. I just wish I could continue the progress I made on identifying my core issues. I'm not a wreck folks, I'm just hoping to understand some things better. Why I do things, how I can do them better, that's all.

OH! Big important information! I have a new cell phone number, I'll put this on a separate note later but my new number is 419-619-6061. Please update your address books, or add it if you never bothered to call me ever. Also, and this is not a requirement but a request, I put up an honesty box on my facebook profile and nobody has put anything on mine yet. I pour my heart out for you folks, let's see a little payback.

Piracy! It's a good thing. The Xbox 360 may be banned from online play (not sure, don't want to find out) but the backups still work and the Wii just got a new modchip today! All is golden. I've been adding some new movies as well and with that 5.1 surround system I won I can play those downloaded movies on my TV finally. I've been also thinking about a movie night when I get back, how does this sound?

SCARY ASS SEQUEL NIGHT!
1) Hostel: Part 2 (Bootleged off of a Workprint copy)
2) Troll 2
3) Grease 2!!!!!!!

100th post this weekend. 1 Year Anniversary next month. The next post will be about my plans for life in the future. The 1 year anniversary will be about the past and history of my writing. Expect a gift in July.

And a final note. A political bits and pieces.

Harry Reid, I'm asking you to grow a pair. I know it may be hard, you are a career politician, but the people who gave you power told you pretty clearly why they gave you that power, to bring my friends home. Now, Mr. Reid, you should pay attention and start shaking things up. The people will support you if you decide to take the White House on so don't worry. Bring them home.

Musings From Austin Texas is not endorsing any presidential candidate right now, but we encourage whoever wins the nomination to add Bill Richardson as the Vice Presidential nominee. He has the most qualification of any candidate on either side of the race and he'd make the most powerful diplomat in a time in which we need to rediscover diplomacy. Obama/Richardson or Clinton/Richardson either way, we need that kind of experience in the White House.

That is all...

Free Bird (Link for Facebook Readers)

#98 is about the weight

288 Pounds

288 POUNDS!?!

This is horrible. I've spent almost two weeks at the biscuit factory sweating my butt off and I'm at 288. Which means I was probably close to 300 when I left college last month. No wonder some of my shirts were starting to not fit.

Folks, if you've ever wondered what hitting bottom looks like, keep reading this blog.

I have to rebuild so much in this next year. I have to rebuild my whole system of living, what I eat, how I study, how I deal with relationships and friendships. All these things need to be better because towards the end last semester they all started falling apart. I mean, here is what it comes down to. If I can't find a way to make myself happy, how in the world am I supposed to keep moving at this pace that I've set?

My mom and I (and my stepdad and my sister...) talked about how basically I've been relying on external praise and support almost solely. It's the "Actor's Drug" the need to feel loved by everyone at every time. It kinda makes since now looking back at how often I hogged the mic at film committee screenings. The approval of a crowd, it's the ultimate high. But I'm starting to realize that the external confidence started to replace the confidence I had inside of me. Now, there is very little left, and I'm stuck trying to getting more and more of it, stretching me to the limits.

Am I rambling yet?

Madrigal Night Live 2. I co-produced, I directed some shorts, I wrote some scripts, I acted in over half the sketches. I used to say that like it was a badge of honor, now I realize that I was trying to grab as much spotlight as I could get my hands on, my skin only felt warm underneath the glow of stage lighting. Jeez, writing this I realize how zealous I turned out to be.

I have to learn to love myself. I'll repeat. I have to learn to love myself.

AND I'VE GOT TO LOSE SOME WEIGHT :)