Going back

I'm not going to lie. The fact that I am giddy to return to Nebraska shocks me.

Positively giddy.

I get two chances a year to truly be free. Once in May, and once in August. Those times I pack up my car with all my important belongings and I drive. I drive by myself, with no concerns, no worries, no self-doubt, no thoughts about life outside the stretch of pavement ahead of me. These trips cleanse my soul, they are that good.

This year, having two past road trips go really well, I decided to plan something a little different. I'm taking four days this year. In these four days I travel from Austin to Lincoln, NE. From Lincoln to somewhere in Illinois. And from Illinois to Findlay, OH. It's a giant inverted L of a trip and it gives me a rare opportunity.

Reflection.

I haven't been in Lafayette more than an hour or two since December of 2001. That to me is one of my biggest regrets. Not being able to look back at my roots and see the spots that made me who I am. Now, for 24 hours, I get to go back to the state that changed my life forever. More importantly, I get to see the friends who I treasure. These guys were with me when I was snatching gold medals, and when I went through my darker days. Their support was key to me being able to last four years there.

Auburn High School

I am burning DVDs today with some of my favorite RTF shorts. I'm considering passing them out to some of my old AHS teachers. Falter would definitely be the first to get one. I'm even wanting to talk to Ms. Fuller. Just to say hi and maybe even apologize for some of my earlier missteps.

I even want some Cotty's burgers.

Politics

There was a time, back when I created this blog, when I thought that if I used this space to discuss things that weren't focused squarely on me, then I was doing the blog a disservice and would be going back to the fiery Michael of old. The Michael who ranted too much. But frankly I no longer feel content sitting on the sidelines of politics anymore. I spent four years worth of weekends talking about politics to whoever was unfortunate enough to get saddled with an extemp judge position. After those four years and an unpleasant experience with the Nebraska Young Democrats on the road in South Dakota, I decided to stay away from such issues.

That time of retreat is over. The time to feign ignorance or claim apathy is finished.

My generation, you have yet to take back the flag of resistance that your parents dropped when they began to purchase imported silk ties. Take a look at the situation around you. Our president is now at about a 37% approval rating. That means that all he has left is the hardcore of the hardcore. Nobody is acting like we are protecting America anymore. All we are doing in Iraq is proving to ourselves that nobody likes to read history. And I'm here to warn you folks, even Nixon ran on a "disengagement" platform.

The leaders of this country understand that as long as the draft is not on the table that we as a generation will not have the willpower to fight them. Nothing makes someone say "Cut and Run" faster than a kid who just found out that he may not get the chance to flip burgers five miles from his mom's house.

I am going to include three videos here. Two are from a McCain interview on The Daily Show that was quite disheartening to watch and the other is a link to a video from MSNBC about fear mongering.

Click here for the MSNBC clip

Click here for the Daily Show Interview

Blogging On A Budget

When you can't afford those damn full size blog posts...

BITS AND PIECES

I'm listening to "Jungleland" by The Boss right now and I have to say, nobody sings and epic like Bruce Springsteen sings an epic. Damn!

I'm deciding that I need one more solid semester here at UT before I think I can turn the corner. By turn the corner I mean reach a place where I can begin to fix some problems that have been bugging me for over a decade and I didn't even realize it. I've got so much baggage I don't even know where's the best place to unpack it.

Would you like to hear a bombshell?

I went in for counseling last week. I had spent a whole day on my bed last week and I realized I was hitting some sort of psychological bottom and I needed to change some things. I went in on Friday and after talking for about an hour I realize that at the core of all of my problems right now is a massive case of self-doubt. I think I can trace all my issues to the fact that I am my own worst critic, that the person who I've been thinking of conspiracy theories about is me. I'm going to work on a several-stage routine to try and break down some issues and work on rebuilding my self-esteem. I'm not promising a "New Michael" come this fall. I'm promising a work-in-progress.

I got an amazing letter today from a good friend from my middle school days. She wrote about a couple of things but she also mentioned an appreciation for my writings and it really gave me the boost to do some fiction writing today.

So I normally announce projects before I start working on them but today I have the fortune to announce a project after writing 25% of it!

"The Last Days in Georgia" is a short story with three chapters and a prologue. It deals with a powerful man and the regrets he faces in the last days of his life. I'm trying to keep things vague and the prologue will not explain one lick of the rest of the story but I beg you to stick with it and continue to read the blog as I release the story in bits here and there when I have them ready. The prologue will go up later tonight if I can get one person to read it first.

The YouTube video will show one influence on the story, it by no means is a hint on the content.

A somber tone...

April 20th, 1999
September 11th, 2001
April 16th 2007

I remember these days. They are burned in my head as much as they are in the people in my same age range. I remember where I was, what I did, the locations are vivid, the aftermath clear. These are not days that I want to mark in the mental diary that I keep, but I must, I must hold on to those memories, if only to remind me of the precious nature of life, the fragility, and to understand the unpredictability of our road to the future.

My heart goes out deeply to all of those who have been affected by these events. My heart goes out even more to those my age, whose life is forever altered because of three hellish hours.

***************

The mourning must not be interrupted by those who seek to try and find a "Cause." A cause to these people is simply something to blame. Let people bury the dead, treat the wounded, reflect, and then, and only then, should you start looking at how this can happen. Don't let this become another columbine where the 24-hour media decided that music, movies, and video games caused a massacre.

***************

I heard people asking why, how can somebody do this? The answer is not easy to hear but we must accept the fact that people get left behind. People who have problems, who lose the ability to ask for help, who get lost in the shuffle, and who get caught in a cycle of hatred and detachment and then begin to believe that they do not have the problem, the world around them is the problem. This is a truly catastrophic combination of circumstances. It doesn't happen often, and it isn't easy to see, and frankly I wouldn't begin to offer a solution to this problem. But we must understand that inside of a human lies the ability to do great good, and great evil.

***************
I would like to lighten the mood with a YouTube video, but I can't. What I am going to do is show an example of context. On Saturday, this video was funny.



Today, it's not. The context of comedy is so fickle.

I feel like George Bush

I don't get the American people.

The box office numbers just came in for Grindhouse on Friday and they are bad.

Like "Hey Hey You You I Don't Like Your Girlfriend" bad.

$5 Million on Friday means that Grindhouse is now officially the biggest bomb for these two directors since "Four Rooms." And I don't get it. Don't you people like explosions and violence and cars and women? Weren't these movies designed for MASS POPCORN CONSUMPTION? And yet outside of Austin, NYC, LA, and other metros this movie probably died a quick death. And it boggles my mind.

Grindhouse is a Texas movie. If this movie had a belt buckle it would be the size of my head. Seeing Shiner and the Alamo Drafthouse on the big screen brought a smile to my face. This double feature was a damn fine three hours and now I feel like I'm going to have to pitch this movie in ten years instead of sharing quotes from it. It's disheartening. Catch it on sunday folks, encourage good Austin cinema or you won't have it anymore.

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!1111

Jeez, folks. So, Like get this

i was reading some my girlz myspaces and like, these ho's dont know NEthing. talking bout MM (thast modest mouse for all you noods out their) and they think float on was the best song EVER!!

bullshite teeheeheehee

float on is so mainstream it mights as wel wear extensions. LIke I was a MM fan BEFORE float on was on MTV, back when it played on FUSE. FUSE FTW! these biches actg all hardcore but they need to shut their traps and get in line, maybe get a xanga LOLROFTLOMG!

anywho, does anyone wanna chill out at the hot topic??????!!!!! i am like soooo needing a nirvana T right now its not EVEn funny!!!