Saturday, November 11, 2006

Sometimes, you want to scream, but you don't. Because silence doesn't anger the neighbors.

I'm watching Thumbsucker right now. It's an amazing movie with Lou Pucci and a soundtrack from The Polyphonic Spree. It basically sums up my senior year of high school quite nicely. Replace NYC with Austin and a pretty girl with... you get the picture.

I'm watching it because I just hung up on my sister and I'm none too happy about it. You see, my sister and I have a very unique relationship with each other. We both care for each other but can't really stand to be with each other for too long. After about 2-3 days of continued contact we always have a fight. It's like clockwork. I wish it didn't work that way but it seems like we bring out the worst in each other.

I'll be frank. My sister treated me like crap for many many years. She abused my innocence and shyness for a large portion of my early childhood and was basically like a bully. Even if she wished to counter this claim it doesn't change the fact that in my mind those years are not remembered fondly by me.

Because of this I've had a large chip on my shoulder. I don't give her a lot of leeway on some things because she tends to drive me batty. When I am quiet, she is loud, when I am loud, she is louder. I love her unconditionally, this much is true, but it's hard sometimes. Very hard.

She often calls for computer advice, mostly of the piracy kind (how to use dvd burning software, morpheus, etc) and when I have these talks it never makes me happy because I'm basically her encyclopedia of computer knowledge. I just want to, I don't know, have a private life and be able to just enjoy the company of my sister.

I don't have an answer to this problem. I don't think it's answerable. Too much of my youth was spent locked up in my room afraid of her to ever be fully comfortable. I want to not get angry at her, it upsets me to have to yell at her or make a big deal out of nothing just because I have a grudge.

Sorry for the ramble. I think I'm not alone here though. Anyone want to share there thoughts in the comment section???

P.S Really folks, why does nobody comment on this site?


meganberry said...

your relationship with your sister is the exact relationship i have with my brother...i call it the two day slump.

it pretty much sucks.

Quoc said...

Hell, you should hear about me and my brother. At least your family wants to talk to you.

Feel free to ask me about it. I enjoy ranting about how much I dislike him.